the curse of an ex

i’m probably not the first person to feel this way, and i’m certainly not going to be the last.


it’s a weird feeling – somewhere between sad and depressed. and a bit of wondering why thrown in for good measure.


my ex is getting married tomorrow.


i’ve been thinking about her a lot, and right now and i can only say that i am feeling sad about this.


not that i wish was the one marrying her. no, not at all.


but she is the first (and only) person so far in my life that i had seriously thought i would marry. we spent some good times together, and while we are definitely better apart, the thought had been there.


and it might not be so bad if she hadn’t suddenly stopped talking to me without telling me why.


i could deal with being incommunicado if i had been told why.


“my fiancé doesn’t want me to have contact with you”

“i’m uncomfortable with the fact that you left me for men”


any of these or others would have helped. one day we were friends, one day not.


i hate rejection more than many things – especially from people i care about. and i dislike not being liked. or thinking i am not liked. i know i should be more secure.


but hey, i am human.


wish me luck tomorrow. 

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