life ain’t easy

the day started off so well… i’d left the curtains open so that i could see the sunrise over table bay, and it was gorgeous when i woke at 6 to see the first light creeping across the calm sea. i didn’t sleep particularly well, but that is normal (i had slept exceptionally well on wednesday night for some reason, but now we’re back to semi-sleep).

 

i had my long-coveted 4 course hotel breakfast with yoghurt, fruit and cereal, omelette, french toast and fruit with chocolate croissants. accompanied by earl grey tea.

 

things started going downhill when i hit the office: another glorious mess up by a team member (who is conveniently off, as she is due to get married tomorrow…) which, while sorted reasonably well, left the clients upset. and threatening to make a scene when they get home. i really don’t like it if clients are unhappy. i take it so personally.

 

we also had the employee of the year awarded at the office today – a very worthy candidate won a wonderful journey. needless to say, i didn’t even get a nomination J

 

i should have been out on the town tonight, but r.p.’s cellphone is off, so i am going to go to bed instead. i couldn’t join them for supper, so i have no idea where they are.

 

but i do have r.f. staying with me for the weekend, and it was so wonderful to have a proper catch-up before she heads up north on monday. we laughed a lot, told stories about life in the last year, our fears, our excitements, etc etc etc. we spoke a lot about the situation with her dad, which is so not easy on her and her sisters. but how often does one get given  chance to “say goodbye” so to speak, to a parent. to know that the priority for the next few weeks and months is to spend as much time with him as possible. makes one think, doesn’t it.

 

i am very grateful for her friendship, and to be able to be there for her.

 

we also spoke about my ex, l.k., who is no longer speaking to me it seems. after i spoke to her and was told when and where her wedding is, i said that, “i hope i’m going to be invited to the wedding”. to which she replied, ”well, we haven’t decided yet”. and that was the last time i heard from her.

 

i even sent her an sms to apologise in case i had been too presumptuous. i tried calling her. nada. she’s obviously upset. why, i don’t quite understand. she’s the one who wanted to be friends after we broke up. she’s the one who was also excited when i came out. she’s the one who’s going to have all her other ex’es at the wedding.

 

wonder why she’s suddenly changed. and while, in reality, it doesn’t change my life if she is in it or not, i don’t like a situation where someone doesn’t like me. i don’t want bad karma directed towards me. but i guess i must get over it and move on.

 

wonder if she noticed that i forgot to wish her for her birthday today…

 

here’s hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. despite my having to go to prison.

 

what bugged me today: stuffs.

 

what i learnt today: that it is 18 years since german (re-)unification

 

what i am grateful for: my first house guest in my home J

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