life & love

how old are you? and how old do you actually feel?

 

i’m thirty-five. but i certainly don’t feel the way i imagined someone of 3.5 decades should feel when i thought about it years ago.

 

today my age kind of came under the spotlight.

 

we had a wellness day at the office. this means that someone from our medical aid comes along and measures a few vital stats, tells you to eat 5 veg & fruit a day, drink 2 litres of liquids, and watch a few other things. a lot of blah blah.

 

but certainly a few things to think about. my random cholesterol of 4 is fine. my blood pressure of 130 over 80 (despite having been in a temper shortly before) was good. my random glucose measurement of 7,2 is not good. (can i blame it on the muffin i had an hour before?). and my bmi of 26,1 is not to my liking at all. of course, it doesn’t help that i couldn’t take my clothes off. i don’t usually weigh myself with clothes and shoes on, so until this point i’d never actually weighed more than 79kg before. but it certainly brought a few points home.

 

age now prevents me from staying slim without trying. i’m going to need to find a way to motivate myself to work at that.

 

from next week i will once again be walking up lion’s head once a week after work. on mondays. if the weather is not good, then on tuesday. and if the weather is still not good then on wednesdays. anyone wanting to join me is welcome. it is so therapeutic in so many ways.

 

this evening i went to fish hoek for dinner with some friends whose daughter is turning 14 tomorrow. we had a lovely dinner at a seafood restaurant (yep! i’m a fish eater!) with the parents (my age), the daughters of 14 and almost 16, and the little boy of 5. we had a great time at dinner talking about growing up, about whether we could remember anything from when we were 7. a said she could, j said she couldn’t and when we asked k, at 5 years old, what he remembered from being 7, he said, “the presents!” this may have been influenced by the fact that he had just received his birthday present from me for his big day that was 10 days ago…

 

back home we had one of those awesome discussions about life – from politics through work and financial challenges. right down to the moment when we all acknowledged that yes, we agree. we are becoming more like our parents and grand parents.

 

about how much better things were in our youth. about how lazy the kids of today are. about how they are not learning anything. about how google is making them stupid. is making us all stupid. and lazy.

 

we talked about love. and how it changes over the years when you’re with someone. and my realization that i don’t think i’ve actually ever loved someone completely. i haven’t actually had the feeling that when the person i thought i loved is not nearby, that all i want is to be in there presence. to have them close by.

 

sure i have missed people. and i love my friends to bits. would do almost anything for them all. but yearned for someone? ached for that someone to be in my arms instead of far away?

 

honestly, i don’t think so.

 

i hope that i shall experience that. that i will meet that someone who will allow me to not fear losing my independence. that someone who will not allow me to lose my independence. that someone who will allow me to feel complete.

 

ok, i’m getting soppy. but it was a moment of clarity for me realizing all of this. together with my age. and how much i have yet to experience.

 

but you know what? i had a great day.

 

 

what bugged me today: south african airways call centre

 

what i learnt today: that hannah montana is the daughter of billy ray cyrus. whatever.

 

what i am grateful for: seeing the kids of my friends growing up

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