surprise!

what a wonderful surprise! there, as one of the first guests, r.f. is suddenly standing at my door… she was still supposed to be in london, but she came back early, and had sworn our friends to secrecy so that she could surprise me at my coming out party. i was shocked for a good hour after she arrived… i’d love to say she came down for moi, but that would be wrong. but i am so stoked she made it. we have been friends for 28 years and 6 months – longer than with anyone else i know. so it’s special to have her here as part of it. there are others overseas too that should have been here, but didn’t make it…

 

people were very creative in their “black tie with a twist” theme outfits – i love it – it gets people laughing and talking… and i even got some presents!! a hanger (cos whenever something comes out of a closet, something else needs to go in), a hand-knitted green scarf and a “shower-man” shower curtain for my shower that has glass doors… i’ll find another spot for it. J oh, and lindt dark chocolate balls. because you’re into balls now…

 

i have a diverse circle of friends, who don’t often cross-pollinate. but at my birthday and other larger parties, i invite everyone. it’s great for people to meet others, but some find it odd – where did all your other friends come from? – and for me it’s nice to see everyone together.

 

the last guests left at about 03h30, so it seems to have been a success with music, dancing and chilling going on.

 

then – of course! – my work phone rang at 05h30. and another 5 times before 08h30. by which time i gave up trying to sleep anymore… and started to clean the house, have breakfast on my sunny and warm patch of grass. tried to nap in the afternoon again, but as is usually the case during attempts at day-time napping: i just tossed and turned. not that much fun alone.

 

z.a. was at the party as well – he of first date fame. it seems to me that he wants more of a relationship between us than i do. and i hate a situation like that. he’s a very sweet guy, and i don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. but i don’t a relationship with him. i’m just wondering whether it is him – or me. i worry that i am afraid of giving up my independence for someone else. even though i yearn to have someone to cuddle up with. walk & talk with. make memories with. maybe i’m just analyzing it all too much. i’ve been known to do that. but i keep worrying and worrying. how will i know if i have met the guy i want to give up a part of my independence for. what am i looking for. what. how. what. how.

 

i need to go to bed. i watched a lovely movie at the festival with my parents. i skipped the last movie i was going to watch afterwards. not because z.a. was going to be there. because i am exhausted. honestly.

 

oh, and president thabo mbeki has announced to the nation that he has tendered his resignation to the speaker of the house. at least he is following procedure ; )

 

 

what bugged me today: the f-ing work telephone – and not being able to sleep afterwards.

 

what i learnt today: that life ain’t easy

 

what i am grateful for: my wonderful friends – those who were there and those who couldn’t make it

 

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