endings & emotions

and then the final curtain went down. the audience was still applauding. they’d been the best audience of all – a full house: what we all want at least once during a run.


cast being congratulated on their grand finale by loved ones coming back stage. smiles on everyone’s faces, but sadness inside most of them as well – this was it!


and 2 hours later it was all a memory – in grey matter and thankfully celluloid too. the stage was empty, the flats and props returned to their home and owners. the dressing room clean & tidy for the new arrivals tomorrow at 10. that is when their adventure begins, their final rehearsals, set-building, hoping for full houses, for good audiences. the cycle is never-ending within the walls of our beloved theatre.


obviously through all of this the role of stage manager has been my big learning curve. i have so enjoyed it, the new experiences, the way it helps to be able to see the big picture in any situation – so that i now know what it’s like from backstage & director’s point of view as well as from actor point of view.


but if i am perfectly honest, and this is the part that is not easy to admit to myself, i have struggled with the lack of “visible credit” that the backstage crew get.


sure, director and cast have been very generous and genuine with their thanks and praise. people have not forgotten us.


but when the cast is greeted by people and congratulated on their performances, when the reviews pass glowing tribute on director and actors, one does feel a little left out. and then i feel guilty when i feel like that.


i didn’t want to feel like that, because i am grown up and one controls one’s emotions. but nowadays i would rather acknowledge what i am feeling and put it out there and deal with it.


so do i regret doing this? not at all!

did i gain anything from this experience? so so much

would i do it again? not this week, but i have no doubt that i will in the future. i did tell the director that i hoped it’s not the last time. and i meant it.



what bugged me today:  endings – they’re so seldom easy


what i learnt today: to try and disconnect difficult clients from ruining my afternoon


what i am grateful for: the opportunity to keeping learning more about theatre and myself

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