a meaning of friendship

the thing about life is that you never quite know. there are so many variables out of your control, yet you can only make decisions on what you know (or suspect or guess) at any given time.

 

i spent a wonderful day with r.f. visiting her great aunt in somerset west to break the news of her dad to her. she’s 94, was basically his mother, and is obviously very sad. but she was quite stoical about it. i’m not sure it was because there was a new guest there (moi) but it was interesting.

 

it seems that he is not doing very well. the prognosis of a few months has dwindled to a potential few weeks instead. at the very least for his mental lucidity. he is already showing signs of disorientation. and while all his daughters are going to joburg to be with him, t.f. can only fly in from dubai in a week from now. so much uncertainty in the whole matter, because one just can’t predict the future. so all you can do is get there as soon as possible, so you can spend the maximum time with him.

 

makes one think. i only hope their friends learn from this experience. i know i am.

 

i know i am honoured to be there to help her through this.

 

i went to a colleagues’ wedding yesterday. the reception was in mitchell’s plain at 1pm. it’s a fair distance from my home, so i only go there at 10 to 1. and i was the first person there! the florist arrived a minute later, and the church was only opened 2 minutes after that. weird, i thought everything would be in full swing! the bride finally arrived an hour later at 2.

 

the reception was then set for 18h30 – at the goodwood prison sports hall. the bridal couple had gone for photos and tea. and finally arrived just as we were debating whether to call for pizzas from mr delivery…at 8pm!!

 

and by 22h30 we were gone. while the room was beautifully decorated, and the bride and groom seemed happy – it was very much a textboob, traditional wedding with almost no personalization at all. i find that sad.

 

a wedding is a declaration of love between 2 people in front of people that are important to them both. so if you use the script of someone that you don’t know, even if it has been used for aeons, what does it actually mean?

 

anyway, that’s just me…

 

i had a super evening at s & l’s new home. great supper, great conversation, great company. and they had everything unpacked 24 hours after moving in! right down to pictures on the wall and books on shelves!! i still have at least one unpacked box – more than a year after moving. i’m not sure whether to feel admiration for them, or to be afraid…. i suspect it is somewhere in between.

 

 

what bugged me today: lack of length of sleep last night

 

what i learnt today: that driving slowly-ish is fine. and it saves petrol J

 

what i am grateful for: my mom’s finger being ok(-ish) after she tried to flatten it with the boot of her car…

 

life ain’t easy

the day started off so well… i’d left the curtains open so that i could see the sunrise over table bay, and it was gorgeous when i woke at 6 to see the first light creeping across the calm sea. i didn’t sleep particularly well, but that is normal (i had slept exceptionally well on wednesday night for some reason, but now we’re back to semi-sleep).

 

i had my long-coveted 4 course hotel breakfast with yoghurt, fruit and cereal, omelette, french toast and fruit with chocolate croissants. accompanied by earl grey tea.

 

things started going downhill when i hit the office: another glorious mess up by a team member (who is conveniently off, as she is due to get married tomorrow…) which, while sorted reasonably well, left the clients upset. and threatening to make a scene when they get home. i really don’t like it if clients are unhappy. i take it so personally.

 

we also had the employee of the year awarded at the office today – a very worthy candidate won a wonderful journey. needless to say, i didn’t even get a nomination J

 

i should have been out on the town tonight, but r.p.’s cellphone is off, so i am going to go to bed instead. i couldn’t join them for supper, so i have no idea where they are.

 

but i do have r.f. staying with me for the weekend, and it was so wonderful to have a proper catch-up before she heads up north on monday. we laughed a lot, told stories about life in the last year, our fears, our excitements, etc etc etc. we spoke a lot about the situation with her dad, which is so not easy on her and her sisters. but how often does one get given  chance to “say goodbye” so to speak, to a parent. to know that the priority for the next few weeks and months is to spend as much time with him as possible. makes one think, doesn’t it.

 

i am very grateful for her friendship, and to be able to be there for her.

 

we also spoke about my ex, l.k., who is no longer speaking to me it seems. after i spoke to her and was told when and where her wedding is, i said that, “i hope i’m going to be invited to the wedding”. to which she replied, ”well, we haven’t decided yet”. and that was the last time i heard from her.

 

i even sent her an sms to apologise in case i had been too presumptuous. i tried calling her. nada. she’s obviously upset. why, i don’t quite understand. she’s the one who wanted to be friends after we broke up. she’s the one who was also excited when i came out. she’s the one who’s going to have all her other ex’es at the wedding.

 

wonder why she’s suddenly changed. and while, in reality, it doesn’t change my life if she is in it or not, i don’t like a situation where someone doesn’t like me. i don’t want bad karma directed towards me. but i guess i must get over it and move on.

 

wonder if she noticed that i forgot to wish her for her birthday today…

 

here’s hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. despite my having to go to prison.

 

what bugged me today: stuffs.

 

what i learnt today: that it is 18 years since german (re-)unification

 

what i am grateful for: my first house guest in my home J

eid mubarak

so much in my head all in such a mish mash:

 

well, eid mubarak to all my muslim friends and happy rosh hashana to my jewish compadres!

 

had an ok day at work – and discovered that the ‘joules’ will be sa’s own electric car, produced here from 2010. i have 2 years to save – ‘cos i want one! it looks good, and i think it is the way to go J

 

we had a few interesting discussions over eid dinner tonight, including one on polygamy. what i didn’t know was that there is something called polyandry – where a woman takes more than one husband! i found this on a website of the university of manitoba:

 

polyandry is a form of polygamy in which one woman is married to several men. it’s occurance is rare and assumes a specific concentration in the himalayan areas of south asia. however, it is sporadically distributed in africa, oceania, and native america. two forms have been recorded: fraternal polyandry in which a group of brothers share a wife, and non-fraternal polyandry in which a woman’s husbands are not related. the nayar case discussed in another section represents a non-fraternal form in the sense that a woman engages in sexual relations and has children with several different men, any of whom may be called upon to acknowledge paternity. fraternal forms are common in the mountainous areas of nepal and tibet. among the tibetian nyinba, brothers live together throughout their life times in large patrilineally constructed households. they share a common estate and domestic responsibilities. they also share a common wife with whom each maintains a sexual relationship. generally, each child of the marriage is acknowledged by and develops a special relationship with one of the possible fathers, even where biological paternity cannot be determined. this arrangement can partially be understood as a response to a shortage of women due to a lower survival rate in comparison to men. it also has important economic implications. since brothers share a wife, their joint estate remains intact from generation to generations and is not subject to the fragmentary and inefficient divisions that might occur if each belonged to a separate conjugal unit (stone 1997:190-192)

 

 

 

my longest standing friend was told today that her rather sickly dad has lung cancer. it’s made me sad, not only because of the pain and suffering he must be feeling. but the thought that she may be losing her dad within 6 to 12 months is just heart-breaking. if i put myself in her shoes – that i was about to lose one of my parents – i don’t know how i would be able to handle it. not very well at all i imagine.

 

even though i do think about it from time to time, it’s always kind of a hypothetical, far-in-the-distance type of a problem – until this happens to someone you know well.

 

my thoughts and love are with them.

 

 

what bugged me today: the continued realization that my personal financial situation has become tight now too

 

what i learnt today: that last month was the wettest month in over 50 years in cape town – 141 mm as opposed to an average of 41 mm; that polyandry exists (i had no idea!)

 

what i am grateful for: that my parents are both still around

what i am afraid of: if sarah palin gets anywhere near the white house. heaven help us all, if she does.

so many thoughts

one of the things i love about visiting my parents is the welcome i get from the 2 dogs ms sophie and jacqui. they are always so happy to see me – so much in fact that i only greet jacqui outside because she widdles every time – and this complete unconditional love is so wonderful. i often wish i could have a dog as well, but it wouldn’t be fair, i’m not home enough in the evenings. and while a cat would be ok, i’m not sure i’m enough of a cat person. having another presence in the home would great – and i’m absolutely not prepared to let that be a goldfish, bird or hamster…

 

of course, my parents also give me that love, which is why i like to visit them too. i don’t think i pop in often enough sometimes, and tell them how much they mean to me.

 

i became aware of that again today, for 2 reasons:

a very close friend of mine’s dad is in intensive care with pneumonia… he’s had a very poor spell lately, in and out of hospital. she’s had an up & down relationship with him, but when it comes down to it, that love is there.

 

a colleague-friend of mine had her engagement party last night. her gran died yesterday afternoon; but the party went on. she said she wasn’t very close to her, and she was ok. but today i’ve been sms’ing with her and she is obviously very sad. at 23, this is the first family member of her’s to die. so here i have been giving advise on how she can deal with it. it’ something i enjoy doing – being there for others and helping them.

 

it can be lonely though if it feels that others don’t help you back. which may be caused by my stubbornness to ask for help. because the few times that i have asked for help, it has been great how forthcoming friends and family are. but i digress…

 

my helping this friend of mine, brought so many issues to the fore in my head again. seeing as i enjoy helping others like this, should i not have gone into psychology? but having had an aversion to it for so many years, it was not an option for me. not that it’s ever too late.

 

it also made me realize that i am grown up. i don’t know about you. but i don’t feel like i think i should feel at 35. it sounds older, and that i should be so much more… maturer? knowledgeable? in a way i still feel like i did when i was in my early twenties. yes, i know more, but how should i be behaving?

 

i clearly remember the day i realized i was now grown-up. it was in my first apartment after moving out of house in cape town, and i was having a few friends over for dinner. i had set the table & cooked dinner, and while i was pouring red wine that i had bought into glasses that belonged to me on a dining-room table that was mine, in a flat that i was renting, all this for my friends, that i realized that i was grown up. it was quite a lightbulb moment.

i had a similar one tonight. i’m sitting on my couch in the house that i own (ok, co-own with the bank) and apart from sms’ing life advice to a younger friend, i have a beautiful lamp in the corner of the room, am listening to bizet on the cd player, and reading a book about levi’s in south america, and what the usa has done in those parts of the world. i don’t know if i’ve described it well enough, but for someone who is still not sure they have found the job they wanna do for the rest of their life, it all feels disconcertingly grown up.

 

and that’s something else i was thinking about backstage today. in between pressing the doorbell buzzer for the antics on stage (which are much improved, and forging ahead beautifully!).

i had had another emergency call on my phone from a colleague, and it made me think again about the corporate world versus the non-corporate world. until i started work at my current company in ’06, i had only worked in small offices of 3 to 5 people. in one case i even thought i owned part of the business, and worked accordingly.

 

i had always been afraid of the corporate world. of it sucking the morals out of you. of you becoming a only a number. a number in pursuit of bigger numbers with a currency in front. for the corporation, not necessarily yourself. so when i started with this one, i was hesitant, but interested. and, it being a newish company, it still had some of the “family values” of a smaller startup.

 

but as it has grown by about 50% in my time there, so the dynamics have changed. i find us being encouraged to chase the bigger profits. i found an employee number i didn’t realize i had on the new-look pay-slip last month. occasionally i find myself feeling a little uncomfortable with this or that.

 

don’t get me wrong, there are distinct advantages to the corporate world. i have learnt a hell of a lot. i like the stability of a regular monthly income. i like the fact that i have had a bonus 2 years running. i have made some friends there. and i have had other managers to bounce ideas off of.

 

but what i was thinking today was – which do i really want? that which i described above? or a life where i am doing more of what i love, even if i need to learn some of it (and i do love learning). but where the stability (ultimately: monthly money) is maybe a little lower. i think i would love to earn a salary by writing, doing photography, incorporating some form of travel, just for starters.

 

once of the reasons i have so terribly enjoyed being in the theatre again since a year ago, is that the people you interact with are so much more interesting than the ones in the corporate workplace. there are fascinating conversations, debates. a sense of creating something together. and yes, the latter can be found at the office as well, to a degree, but it is different.

 

i know that i am fairly risk averse when it comes to finances, which is probably a big reason for never having ventured out on my own. but isn’t life about doing what you want, rather than only what you need to? i find clock-watching pay-slip waiting employees the saddest. they spend 8 hours a day in a place they really don’t want to be. only for a paycheck on the 25^th. even if i don’t necessarily like what i am doing, i find i must throw myself into it, so that i have a sense of ownership and purpose.

ok, those are just some thoughts, and i don’t want to depress myself tonight, because i have had a good day, even if it was mostly ‘work’ of some sort at the theatre.

 

what bugged me today: nothing really J

 

what i learnt today: how to set up water for a tap to function on stage

 

what i am grateful for: for my parents & brothers – i love you.