of the good life

It was an almost-perfect moment, the ocean opening up to my left, a curvy road ahead, sunny day, roof down on the Golf and excellent music playing on the CD player… after a weekend spent in a nature reserve catching up with very special friends, life has been really good today.

We walked, we talked, we swam, braaied and had strawberries. Red wine (Canadian nogal!), down time and laughter. We even got to watch tortoises mate before he started to charge us… very interesting indeed…

But driving home in this very positive space I thought about how cyclical life is – the good is followed by the bad and the bad is followed by the good. not that I’m expecting a horrible week, or something bad to happen soon, but in general.

I was in such a good frame of mind, that I couldn’t help thinking how much better it was than the time I’d considered ending it all (admittedly a brief, yet life-changing consideration) or the time I received that lovely letter from the taxman asking for R99’900… here I was, roof down, sun up, sounds on, smile on. Only thing missing was a gorgeous guy next to me… but that will no doubt change soon too 

land of thirst

i got home last night with an incredibly painful cricked neck, a car full of compost & window blinds, 2 newly framed pieces of art and a new new haircut.

all i wanted was to eat, take the painkillers (“to be taken with food”) , maybe take a bath, and watch an episode of “land of thirst”, which a friend of mine wrote and directed.

but as i am off to durban in 3 days, i also needed to do the dishes. and the laundry. and water the new garden. aargh.

but with the washing in the machine, half the dishes done, and the (new) sprinkler sprinkling away outside i sat down with plate of food to watch one 48 minute episode before i take a bath and put a happy hugger on my neck.

but, apart from a quick hang-up-laundry-break, and a get-desert-break i found myself still sitting there almost 3 hours later, not able to pull myself away from the 3 episode mini-series.

it’s such a beautifu story about love and life in the karoo many many many years ago. in the time of “natives” and the native land act, in the time of tuberculosis and consumption, in the time of gentlemen and uncomfortable piano-evenings.

i found myself engrossed by the stunning scenery, by the recognition of certain spots where filming took place.

also by the awkwardness of some the characters (like the doctor’s wife, and her worries), and by the self-assuredness of some of the other characters (like paul).

it has been so well put together, i so enjoyed watching it – thanks meg for bringing to life a time in our history that too many of our fellow-citizens still remember, but which too few know about.

on being close to nature and weekends away

weekends away are so important. especially when they feel like they go on forever, and you’re with good friends. whil i would rather still be there than at my desk, we did have a fabulous time.

above all, it was hot. very hot. many of us are sunburnt from swimming in a dam, but that didn’t detract from the ice-cold beach swim, the braai and potjie we had or the hours of boggle that we played.

i even managed to fulfill a dream of mine when we saw an amazing thunderstorm come along – it lasted a good hour and a half, and i finally had the opportunity to stand in the dark garden in the middle of the thunderstorm and pouring rain… you feel so close to nature that way, and it was wonderful for my soul. a real recharge.

as always, of course, we lamented that we don’t do this going-away often enough – and undertook (verbally at least) to rectify that. i know i want to. now that i can more easily slip away this year, i fully intend to do that. in fact, that reminds me, i need to start planning my first “soloweekendaway” soon…

aahh… friends and weekends somewhere else… that’s life…

a send off for joe

it felt like he was in the lounge, on his comfy chair, cigarette twixt his fingers, the hands gesticulating, explaining a bat or an idea to one of the people around him.  it felt like one of the many parties this home has seen in the past – the same faces, the familiar tunes in the background. there was one face missing though – and that is whom we had all come together to celebrate.

it was joe’s wish that his body is donated to science, and that after the memorial service there is to be a party celebrating life. his life, but also each one of our own, i imagine.

and that is what his 4 fabulous daughters pulled together. bottles of bubbly, plates of cheese, bread and spread… all part of a recipe that each corner of the home filled with people till almost midnight.

the ‘girls’ had each read something in church, the priest accidentally re-assigned joe’s only grand-daughter to  her aunt (amid many smiles) and then at the house a few of us shared stories of how joe had influenced our lives, what impact he had had. and it was far greater than some of us even realised. the generosity of spirit, the patient teacher encouraging a student with potential to maximise his or her creative spirit, the helping hand to those in need, the list goes on.

he was a good man, and will be missed by many friends, and 4 adoring daughters.

what a wonderful weekend

there are 2 ways to look at the past weekend.

either i can moan that i was more tired at the end than at the beginning. that i didn’t finish the painting i was planning on doing, and that i didn’t finish the christmas gifts i’m making. and that my cricked-neck was in severe pain most of saturday.

or, i can realise that it was a fantabulous weekend.

i was lying in bed last night, thinking (as i do when i try to fall asleep). thinking about what made it stick out as being a great weekend.

i think one reason is that i spent a lot of time outdoors. I used a lot of what cape town has to offer, and i spent time with good friends and my brother.

i started the weekend catching up with r.h. while walking along the sea point promenade. always a hit at the end of the day, great for a chat, people watching and ogling the ocean.

followed by some me-time at home watching a dvd on the couch.

saturday i sorted out a small problem with my motorbike (don’t you love it when the mechanics fix something small quick-quick and don’t want to charge you? i had no clue what to do, and within 5 minutes it was sorted).

then m.g. and i went and played in the waves at muizenberg. we wanted to go surfing, but the waves weren’t really playing along. so i managed to stand up once, and spent some fun time in the sea and sun. after coffee joined by l.r. and s, we headed home. i bought some paint, and attacked the last of the outside wallspace.

i stopped painting short of the end, because i was about to fall over with exhaustion… but i will try and do that tonight!

then a movie at that old cape town stalwart, the labia, in town.

sunday morning was another highlight: brunch on chapman’s peak with a whole bunch of friends. we all brought something to share – and relaxed with this incredible view. last time i arranged this we were almost blown off the mountain it was so windy. but this time – it was so still. not a breath of wind. the azure blue waters of hout bay below, the chatter of friends, and the flutter of begging birds. it was too beautiful.

followe by n.b.’s 1st birthday party in the afternoon (sugar rush), a nap and an attack on the christmas presents.

and then the coup de grace – sushi at willoughby & co. in the same way that the wooden shoe does the best steaks, willoughby & co in the waterfront do the very best sushi i have ever tasted. consistently. what a super ending to a weekend

(of course, monday was ruined when i stepped on the scale at the gym and realised to my horror, that i have reached a new collection-of-ten in weight terms… my worst ever… time to cut the fat and wheat again. lovely time of year for it too…)

friends don’t let friends drive drunk

friends don’t let friends drive drunk

 

so i recently had an experience where i was driven by a friend that was drunk. what’s interesting about it, was how “text book” an experience it was.

 

he fetched me, and immediately headed on the highway, so it’s not a case of me being able to make him stop the car and hand over the keys. not that that would have helped anyway.

 

he switched between the sympathy-seeking, “i’m fucked, bru. wasted!” and the bravado of men-amongst-men, “let me show you what this car can do!”.

 

in a 20 minute drive, i managed to get him to slow down. numerous times.

 

i told him i was scared.

 

i almost gripped right through the handle above the door.

 

i began to tell him about all the things i still need to experience. want to experience.

 

i was petrified.

 

“i’m fucked, bru. wasted!” and the bravado of men-amongst-men, “let me show you what this car can do!”.

 

and then “i’m fine” in response to my protestations.

 

when he asked why the other drivers were flashing their lights at him, i told him that that was my life flashing before my eyes.

 

much laughter from the driver seat. more white knuckles on my side.

 

when we finally got to our destination, my attempts to take the key out of the ignition were responded to very quickly. and in true textbook style my efforts to save both of our futures was rebelled again.

 

i managed to peel his hands off the keys and announce to him that he would not be driving again.

 

sadly, i was not yet able to smile, even inwardly, when he walked into some rose bushes and got pricked mercilessly. that only came days later.

 

friends don’t let friends drive drink. or even enemies. it’s just not cool.

a meaning of friendship

the thing about life is that you never quite know. there are so many variables out of your control, yet you can only make decisions on what you know (or suspect or guess) at any given time.

 

i spent a wonderful day with r.f. visiting her great aunt in somerset west to break the news of her dad to her. she’s 94, was basically his mother, and is obviously very sad. but she was quite stoical about it. i’m not sure it was because there was a new guest there (moi) but it was interesting.

 

it seems that he is not doing very well. the prognosis of a few months has dwindled to a potential few weeks instead. at the very least for his mental lucidity. he is already showing signs of disorientation. and while all his daughters are going to joburg to be with him, t.f. can only fly in from dubai in a week from now. so much uncertainty in the whole matter, because one just can’t predict the future. so all you can do is get there as soon as possible, so you can spend the maximum time with him.

 

makes one think. i only hope their friends learn from this experience. i know i am.

 

i know i am honoured to be there to help her through this.

 

i went to a colleagues’ wedding yesterday. the reception was in mitchell’s plain at 1pm. it’s a fair distance from my home, so i only go there at 10 to 1. and i was the first person there! the florist arrived a minute later, and the church was only opened 2 minutes after that. weird, i thought everything would be in full swing! the bride finally arrived an hour later at 2.

 

the reception was then set for 18h30 – at the goodwood prison sports hall. the bridal couple had gone for photos and tea. and finally arrived just as we were debating whether to call for pizzas from mr delivery…at 8pm!!

 

and by 22h30 we were gone. while the room was beautifully decorated, and the bride and groom seemed happy – it was very much a textboob, traditional wedding with almost no personalization at all. i find that sad.

 

a wedding is a declaration of love between 2 people in front of people that are important to them both. so if you use the script of someone that you don’t know, even if it has been used for aeons, what does it actually mean?

 

anyway, that’s just me…

 

i had a super evening at s & l’s new home. great supper, great conversation, great company. and they had everything unpacked 24 hours after moving in! right down to pictures on the wall and books on shelves!! i still have at least one unpacked box – more than a year after moving. i’m not sure whether to feel admiration for them, or to be afraid…. i suspect it is somewhere in between.

 

 

what bugged me today: lack of length of sleep last night

 

what i learnt today: that driving slowly-ish is fine. and it saves petrol J

 

what i am grateful for: my mom’s finger being ok(-ish) after she tried to flatten it with the boot of her car…

 

life ain’t easy

the day started off so well… i’d left the curtains open so that i could see the sunrise over table bay, and it was gorgeous when i woke at 6 to see the first light creeping across the calm sea. i didn’t sleep particularly well, but that is normal (i had slept exceptionally well on wednesday night for some reason, but now we’re back to semi-sleep).

 

i had my long-coveted 4 course hotel breakfast with yoghurt, fruit and cereal, omelette, french toast and fruit with chocolate croissants. accompanied by earl grey tea.

 

things started going downhill when i hit the office: another glorious mess up by a team member (who is conveniently off, as she is due to get married tomorrow…) which, while sorted reasonably well, left the clients upset. and threatening to make a scene when they get home. i really don’t like it if clients are unhappy. i take it so personally.

 

we also had the employee of the year awarded at the office today – a very worthy candidate won a wonderful journey. needless to say, i didn’t even get a nomination J

 

i should have been out on the town tonight, but r.p.’s cellphone is off, so i am going to go to bed instead. i couldn’t join them for supper, so i have no idea where they are.

 

but i do have r.f. staying with me for the weekend, and it was so wonderful to have a proper catch-up before she heads up north on monday. we laughed a lot, told stories about life in the last year, our fears, our excitements, etc etc etc. we spoke a lot about the situation with her dad, which is so not easy on her and her sisters. but how often does one get given  chance to “say goodbye” so to speak, to a parent. to know that the priority for the next few weeks and months is to spend as much time with him as possible. makes one think, doesn’t it.

 

i am very grateful for her friendship, and to be able to be there for her.

 

we also spoke about my ex, l.k., who is no longer speaking to me it seems. after i spoke to her and was told when and where her wedding is, i said that, “i hope i’m going to be invited to the wedding”. to which she replied, ”well, we haven’t decided yet”. and that was the last time i heard from her.

 

i even sent her an sms to apologise in case i had been too presumptuous. i tried calling her. nada. she’s obviously upset. why, i don’t quite understand. she’s the one who wanted to be friends after we broke up. she’s the one who was also excited when i came out. she’s the one who’s going to have all her other ex’es at the wedding.

 

wonder why she’s suddenly changed. and while, in reality, it doesn’t change my life if she is in it or not, i don’t like a situation where someone doesn’t like me. i don’t want bad karma directed towards me. but i guess i must get over it and move on.

 

wonder if she noticed that i forgot to wish her for her birthday today…

 

here’s hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. despite my having to go to prison.

 

what bugged me today: stuffs.

 

what i learnt today: that it is 18 years since german (re-)unification

 

what i am grateful for: my first house guest in my home J

dinner doodles

i told them that dinner would be at auberge andre from 7.

 

they both asked – “what is auberge?” -  “where is auberge?” – “is it a restaurant?”

 

i explained that it was my home, and that i would be making dinner.

 

they both asked what they could bring.

 

i told them both that dessert and wine would be great – and that they should chat to each other to co-ordinate.

 

i was also informed that a portion of pork chops would be brought. this meant that my spaghetti bolognaise became spaghetti baconaise, because i left out the mince, but left in the bacon.

 

and it turned out very good! (even if i say so myself…)

 

it’s always nice having good friends over for supper, especially if they ordinarily live 1’500km away, and you don’t see them often.

 

and it’s just as nice to see the friends that live 3km away, that you see even less often!

 

but tradition is tradition, and i, for one, love it. so, as we used to have weekly dinners at each other’s homes before one family moved up north, we had to jump at the opportunity while we were all in town together.

 

so they arrived, the first family, just after 7. dinner was almost done, allowing me to play with the 2 little girls a bit.

 

they brought dessert – 2 packs of malva pudding and vanilla custard.

 

while we were catching up, the second family. big hellos and hugs. and the first of many shrieks of joy from the newly arrived little girl and her friends.

 

they brought dessert too. 2 packs of malva pudding and vanilla custard.

 

well, at least we wouldn’t run low J

 

and thence a wonderful evening of catching up began. talking of politics, jobs, sex, parties, the economy in sa. the economy in the usa. the anc. ex loves. children. what to do on the weekend. just a wonderful wonderful time.

 

and they enjoyed the food.

 

and the girls asked for paper and pens to be able to draw.

 

we did more wine.

 

they did more shrieking.

 

and when the music and the wine had been replaced by heavy little bodies with closed eyes and shallow breaths, they all went on their way.

 

and that’s when i found them.

 

stuck on the fridge with my airbus magnets.

 

a drawing of a little girl.

 

and a hand-written note:

 

i love yeu

 

of bird baths & wedding vows

i’ve had such a beautiful day.

 

it started with a view of something i’ve been waiting more than a year to see. i opened my curtains, and there, across the driveway, in the garden, a bird was bathing in my birdbath… a smile crept onto my face, which only grew when a second bird took it’s turn after the first. it finally felt like i had a bird friendly garden. not much of a garden, honestly, but at least there were some birds enjoying it!

 

and then, after treating myself to a luxurious long lie-in with an interesting book, i took a walk down to s & r’s home for a short visit. it’s always so nice to spend with little children, and i took my turn today to help feed 9 month old n.b. he wouldn’t take the food from mom, but i persevered, and made him eat most of it J shame, dad was sick, so i didn’t stay long.

 

and then it was time to prepare for the wedding. this doesn’t take a hell of a lot of time when you’re a guy, but even i managed to forget to shave, only remember when the nose of the car was already out of the driveway, and the deciding that it is actually better to reverse, shave and depart again.

 

it’s funny how different parts of one’s life kind of co-exist. a & n got married at zevenwacht today. beautiful setting with the ceremony on the lawns overlooking the lake. it being september, we had a bedouin tent against the rain. it being her wedding day, though, the rain stayed away, thankfully. in her place she sent blue sky. accompanied by icy breeze. i suppose you can’t have everything.

 

no, the funny thing is, that s & r got married here at zevenwacht a few years ago. that in itself isn’t funny, but the fact that today as well, i was friends with the groom and his ex-girlfriend for a long time, before the wedding. and in both cases i am still friends with the ex as well as the groom and the current / new wife. and both of them had wonderful weddings at zevenwacht. curious.

 

a lot of people don’t believe me, but i can be chronically shy. especially in an environment where i don’t know anyone. like the wedding today. apart from n & a, i only knew 1 other person. and even him i hadn’t seen in at least 5 years. so i was forced to meet new people and have discussions with them.

 

it was ok, but it often seems to superficial, doesn’t it? especially how everyone asks, “so, what do you do?” which is a question based on the assumption that you actually enjoy what you do. which always make me wonder how many people actually enjoy what they spend their every-working-day doing. i suspect that less than half of the world’s working population enjoys what they do.

 

i would much rather ask something along the lines of, “so, what make you tick?” but that often gets met with a blank stare or a sudden recollection on their part of someone they need to call…

 

don’t get me wrong, it can be fun to meet new people, but it is so predictable how it will proceed. and such it was that at about 9pm i found myself very close to leaving early. but i stuck it out to the end of the music.

 

they’d done a wonderful variation on a traditional wedding theme. there was the white dress, the bridesmaids and best men, the until-death-do-us-part vows. but there were subtle differences.

 

for example, we had the cake between the ceremony and the reception. and damn, was that a fine chocolate cake!

 

the tables too, were not numbered, but rather named after places of importance to the two of them. be it the name of the road he grew up in or an island off madagascar they had a great holiday on, or the name of the complex at which they met, it was a beautiful way to name the tables.

 

they also added their own words to the ring ceremony, which is something i think should be done by all couples getting married. it personalises a wedding so much, which is what it is all about, isn’t it? this was followed by a.p. re-declaring his love for her during his speech. and giving her a copy of the vows he had written for her 2 years ago already, when he knew they would spend forever together. a few of the ladies at my table were overheard to ask whether he has a single brother – so touched were they by his speech.

 

they were also very sweet in asking, “did you see our surprise for you?”. because they’d put the only other ay person at the wedding at my table. they aren’t sure of my ‘type’ but it was thoughtful, if a little unusual J

 

at the end of the day i did stay until the end, and i did dance like nobody was watching. i love that, and while some people find it odd, others like it, and for me it is important to have a good time and enjoy myself to the full. which i did tonight.

 

i did have a moment of wondering what the purpose of weddings and marriages are, but that is a discussion for another day.

 

 

what bugged me today: an sms from a staff member on a saturday asking for monday off, after being off for a week. to enable her to do her washing.

 

what i learnt today: that i need to curtail my spending – radically!

 

what i am grateful for: happy gatherings of friends and families