what a wonderful weekend

there are 2 ways to look at the past weekend.

either i can moan that i was more tired at the end than at the beginning. that i didn’t finish the painting i was planning on doing, and that i didn’t finish the christmas gifts i’m making. and that my cricked-neck was in severe pain most of saturday.

or, i can realise that it was a fantabulous weekend.

i was lying in bed last night, thinking (as i do when i try to fall asleep). thinking about what made it stick out as being a great weekend.

i think one reason is that i spent a lot of time outdoors. I used a lot of what cape town has to offer, and i spent time with good friends and my brother.

i started the weekend catching up with r.h. while walking along the sea point promenade. always a hit at the end of the day, great for a chat, people watching and ogling the ocean.

followed by some me-time at home watching a dvd on the couch.

saturday i sorted out a small problem with my motorbike (don’t you love it when the mechanics fix something small quick-quick and don’t want to charge you? i had no clue what to do, and within 5 minutes it was sorted).

then m.g. and i went and played in the waves at muizenberg. we wanted to go surfing, but the waves weren’t really playing along. so i managed to stand up once, and spent some fun time in the sea and sun. after coffee joined by l.r. and s, we headed home. i bought some paint, and attacked the last of the outside wallspace.

i stopped painting short of the end, because i was about to fall over with exhaustion… but i will try and do that tonight!

then a movie at that old cape town stalwart, the labia, in town.

sunday morning was another highlight: brunch on chapman’s peak with a whole bunch of friends. we all brought something to share – and relaxed with this incredible view. last time i arranged this we were almost blown off the mountain it was so windy. but this time – it was so still. not a breath of wind. the azure blue waters of hout bay below, the chatter of friends, and the flutter of begging birds. it was too beautiful.

followe by n.b.’s 1st birthday party in the afternoon (sugar rush), a nap and an attack on the christmas presents.

and then the coup de grace – sushi at willoughby & co. in the same way that the wooden shoe does the best steaks, willoughby & co in the waterfront do the very best sushi i have ever tasted. consistently. what a super ending to a weekend

(of course, monday was ruined when i stepped on the scale at the gym and realised to my horror, that i have reached a new collection-of-ten in weight terms… my worst ever… time to cut the fat and wheat again. lovely time of year for it too…)

perks of the job

i’m in my element!

 

as i sit here writing, i am spending a night at the radisson hotel here in cape town. they’ve treated us to cocktails and snacks, followed by a tasty 3 course meal… and my own sea-facing business class room…

 

it’s one of my favourite hotels in cape town – from an architectural and location point of view – so i’ve always wanted to sepdn some time here.

 

i’ve been so excited the whole week looking forward to this – not only for the meal and drinks but for the hotel breakfast. and the tv.

 

as most of you know, i haven’t had a functioning tv in my home for over a year. so, despite being very very happy with not having a tv – i do look forward to it when i am staying somewhere that has one.

 

and then it got better.

 

they have german tv!! only 2 channels – pro 7 and 3 sat – but i love watching german tv. for the memories it brings back, for the adverts from a different country, for the news and the programmes.

 

i love love love watching foreign advertisements.

 

so i may just end up watching arbitrary television for a few hours J

 

what bugged me today: making detailed step-by-step itineraries…

 

what i learnt today: that the lever arch file is 100 years old today

 

what i am grateful for: some of the perks that this industry does give you

i love it rough

i love it rough

the waves at mouille point on a stormy winter day in cape town – huge waves with lots of foam and massive spray crashing over the promenade – my absolute best. makes you appreciate the forces of nature and water.

and that’s how i ended daylight on the second good day in a row – leo and i went for a ‘walk & talk’. it’s one of my favourite things – going for a walk on the promenade or lion’s head after work, as the sun slowly drops into the atlantic… and to talk about anything or nothing with a good friend.

since i started this about 5 or 6 years ago, i have tried to do a walk once a week. many weeks i have not got it together, for various reasons, but leo, stef & johanna and i have been through so much on these walks… several job changes, relationships, ideas, funny stories, good books or movies, snacks up on high, baby ronja, a laugh, a cry… it is one of the most wonderful ways to spend time with a caring friend.

i miss stef, johanna and ronja so much. they moved to vienna in april, and i cried the last time i saw pics of them. i miss them always being there for you, always up for an adventure – not matter how big or small. for including ronja in their life since she was born, instead of changing there life completely for her like some new parents do. i miss seeing her smile. i miss seeing her walk. i miss seeing her point at things she likes.

luckily leo is still around, and i hope that he and i will get in the habit of walking more often again. it’s so good for the soul.

i told him about how it feels to go on a date with a girl, and how it feels different now to get excited for a date with a boy. what i miss about being with a girl. what i’m afraid of in being with a boy in the future.

i really enjoyed our walk today – thank you. it was also awesome bumping into my brother patrick on the promenade, purely by chance.

i’m so excited for tomorrow night: rahima has arranged for a few of her gay friends to arrange a night of clubbing, to ‘take me under their wing’ and show me a good time. it’s so sweet of her & them – i just need to finalise my outfit tomorrow before rehearsal!

my mind is a jumble because there is so much i want to write about, but it doesn’t all have to be today.

at the moment though, when i’m not stressing at work, or at a barefoot in the park rehearsal, my mind is occupied with one of 2 things. either reading or thinking about my whole coming out, and how it has changed me.

therapy has been a wonderful thing. i was so afraid of it. actually not of therapy itself, but rather of what i knew would come out – literally. that’s why i was always so against the idea.

now-a-days, i often catch myself analysing my thoughts more often. i used to dream about 6 times a year. now i have more dreams. i’ve had more erotic dreams in the last 4 months than in the whole rest of my life. i am coming to terms with my “new” / “real” identity, and what that means. what it allows to me think, without feeling guilty. what i can say, without feeling guilty afterwards. what i can say  without stopping myself. of looking at guys, and thinking, consciously, ‘wow, he’s cute’.

it still feels weird sometimes. i still struggle to say” i am gay” – even to write that phrase has been odd for me. maybe because the word “gay” has so many conotations in society, many of which i don’t relate to. because i don’t like being in a box. because i haven’t had a boyfriend yet. because. because. because.

but, like my best friend at high school, neil, told me when he came out – it really really is a weight off your shoulders.

but life doesn’t suddenly all fall into place. the day to day problems don’t go away. you don’t suddenly wake up and find a man in your bed. but you have one less thing to worry about. to pretend about. and that is fucking awesome. you can get excited about a date, because you want to put your hand on his leg. not get worried during the date, because “by when does she expect me to put my hand on her leg?”. you don’t want do it. but in order to live the his ‘n hers white-picket-fence life, you need to suss out the situation, and do a few things you don’t really want to.

i do miss some aspects of my straight life. but i don’t miss it at all. and above all, i am grateful for my friends and there positive reactions. every single one of them. not a single negative reaction.

i hope i keep choosing them so well even now that i am gay.

what bugged me today: the insensitive comments that certain people make in the presence of those it offends.

what i learnt today: how happy i am that those oh-so-cute guys won the Amazing Race – well done Tyler & James

what i am grateful for: friends & family

day of rest?

thanks to the internet, i didn’t get to bed until after 2, ignoring the fact that leo was coming for breakfast at 8… so i didn’t get much sleep, never my best. and to make the morning even more interesting - remember  i was house sitting for 1 night - one of the dogs left me a regurgitated present on the wooden floor near the front door… charming…

anyway, a super breakfast with a great friend was followed by a ride to lion’s head on my motorcycle i’m so enjoying this on sunny days! for a walk up with rahima. for a long long time walks up lion’s head have been a form of therapy for some of my friends and I. sadly 2 of my regular walkers have moved to vienna, after more than 5 years of chatting, listening, helping, being there – on foot – on the lion. not easy to replace. but this is the 2nd sunday in  row that rahima and i have done the stroll. it’s very busy – but oh so beautiful… how long we are to live in this city

the work’s emergency phone would choose to ring while we were up there… timing is crap, but what can one do, it is par for the course.

after that i rushed to rehearsals, which consisted largely of a photo shoot - pics for the press and mugshots for the programme – which took ever so long. then a quick run through of part of act I. it still needs a lot of work, but as ProdSec (first time for me) it has been so beneficial to spend time chatting with Wendy and others after some rehearsals… such a great place to learn from experience… thank you!

and now just a relaxing, reading evening before another work-week… wish me luck…

what bugged me today: the reaction that some people have to my needing to carry a work cellphone 24/7. i’m sure they don’t understand the need fully, and that while i don’t like always like it, it’s just one of those you don’t dwell on

what i learnt today: while reading “the terminal man” i learnt some more about the history of Iran and why the older iranians dislike the americans so much. it is one of my favourite visited countries in so many ways… good to get additional insight

what i am grateful for: being able to stand on lion’s head, about 300m above sea level, and still hear the waves crash on the beach below… and all so close to where we live, work, and breath… how very lucky i am

happy birthday madiba!

today is the birthday of one of the world’s true gentlemen. true to his convictions, tolerant of others, and respectful – always. what an example he has set!

yep, nelson mandela is 90 today. i am so very very happy for him, that he has had so many years post-prison to spend with his family and loved ones. and that he found love again. i only hope he turns at least 100 – so that his post-prison years outnumber his in-prison years.

i remember so clearly the weekend he was released… i was on a school camp at “froggy pond” in simon’s town, and on the saturday evening (10 feb 1990) i got a call on the call box from my mom. yep – the height of embarassment in many circles – mom calling you at camp!

when i told my friends what i had been told – that mandela would be released the next day – i was not believed. not surprising really, considering the ‘hate’ that had been spread about this ‘evil’ man – no-one had seen a picture of him since the 60s - but considering in hindsight what was happening that month, it was not surprising.

anyway, next morning we were collected much earlier that initially planned, and my folks took us to the grand parade in the centre of cape town – he was to address us capetonians from the balcony of the city hall.

i’m sure that the grand parade has never in its history before or since, had so many people on it, all hopefully watching the city hall. it was a fantastic mood – so many south africans of all colours awaiting their hero -you wouldn’t be there if you didn’t admire him- and wanting to be a part of history. youngsters climbing up the sides of buildings, the throngs pushing forward to get ever closer, the anticipation growing, but everyone remarkably patient. the odd scuffle, but nothing to worry about.

just plain unadulterated anticipation & excitement to see this remarkable man live.

i remember which palm tree i was standing next to, i remember the clear blue sky, above all i remember the electric happiness and excitement.

in the end, we left before he arrived – we had stood there for several hours – and we watched his release on the TV. convenient, but not the same.

and that was but the beginning of a very exciting journey in our history. i’m glad to have been even a small part of it.